Kerry BeachI have been doing a lot of work to get in touch with my beliefs and emotions, and really move myself to the place I should be, so it came to me as a shocking surprise yesterday when I found myself engaging in a conversation and practicing judgment in the process.
I joined several of my real estate colleagues late yesterday afternoon for a happy hour at a local bar. We try to do this once a month. The real estate business has become so difficult that we rarely see each other any more unless we plan to meet. I rarely work out of the agency office, much preferring my home office, but I still used to stop by the office a few times each week, to meet clients and handle paperwork. Sadly, there is little reason to do that anymore given the severe drop in business. Many of my colleagues who are still practicing real estate have taken part-time or full-time jobs to help pay the bills, or like me they are spending a lot of time focused on launching a different business for the future.
One of my friends asked me what I thought of the teenage girl who attempted to sail around the world alone, and had to be rescued. My friend was very disturbed that the girl’s parents would allow such a thing, and even encourage it. Without thinking much about it (there is the key point), I readily agreed that those parents weren’t thinking responsibly. As soon as I made this comment, thankfully my brain kicked my butt! I realized that such a judgment of another, whether they are known to me or not, is not in keeping with my true beliefs.
My friend went on to talk about how this young girl could have been kidnapped by pirates, raped and killed, or simply died alone and left her parents with bitter memories. I realized that there was a tremendous fear belief behind her thoughts and words.
My friend is a very kind and gentle person, and I realize that our conversation is a very normal occurrence in this society. While I was appalled at what I said, I was also thankful that my awareness has increased to the point that I was able to recognize the thoughts and behavior almost immediately.
What I should have said is this: Every human being has the right to live their life however they wish, whether we agree with it or not. I do think that many in our society have become obsessed with having children who are famous, and I certainly can imagine situations in which the parents may be operating from a selfish or vicarious motivation. I can also imagine that a given young person may really want the unusual experience, and their spirit has that right. No matter what, it’s not for me (or us) to judge another in any way.
I am reminded how so many people are driven by fear. I suspect my friend was falling into the trap of imagining herself in that dreadful predicament. Certainly no one should wish such a tragic experience on another, but it is all too easy to allow our personal fears to determine how everyone else should behave.
I am glad that I was aware enough to catch my mistake, but sorry that I did not speak more honestly with my friend. I suspect there will be another time and place for that to occur. As you read this, I hope that my experience will help you to be more aware so that you don’t unthinkingly pass judgment on another. I also hope that this example will help you to think about your fear motivations, and move to a more confident and accepting basis for your thoughts.
As always, thanks for the opportunity you have given me, by reading this post, to serve you.
